Despite the fact that there isn't a Christmas tree in the square adjacent to the Knesset, we have to admit it -- many Jews celebrate Christmas. There are parties, kisses at midnight, and shopping sprees that we just love to take part in. Most of the celebrating Jews have no interest in the religious aspect of it. They just love to party.
Still, those celebrating will preserve Jewish tradition, which states that any Jewish celebration cannot be a complete one. For 2,000 years, we have been smashing the glass underneath the wedding canopy as a way of remembering the destruction of the temple. We have also been marking Memorial Day alongside Independence Day.
The same seems to apply for Christmas. The average Jewish-American couple will take part in the holiday shopping season. At one point, the women will walk into a clothing store and ask her companion, "I want to try on a lot of clothes here. It'll take time. So just wander around in the meantime."
The woman begins trying on clothes and finally gets done after an hour. Afterward, she begins searching out her love. She walks around the store, searches throughout the mall, and he isn't there. She begins to get angry.
Then she decides to call his mobile phone. He immediately answers, putting her mind at ease.
"Where are you-" she screams angrily.
"You remember that jewelry store we visited five years ago-" he asks. "You know, the one where you tried on a diamond ring that you really loved but it was too expensive? And do you remember that I promised you that I would save up until I could buy it for you-"
The woman chokes up with excitement. Tears begin streaming down her face. In a trembling voice, she answers: "Yeah, I remember the store."
"Well, right in front of that store, there's a bar," he said. "That's where I am now."
The new Christians
To mark the Christmas holiday this week, Mahmoud Abbas announced that Jesus was a Palestinian. In a special holiday greeting to the Christians living in the Palestinian Authority-ruled areas, he said: "In Bethlehem, more than 2000 years ago, Jesus Christ was born, a Palestinian messenger who would become the guiding light for millions around the world."
While it may seem as if judging by that statement Abbas was violating a central tenet of his religion and having one-too-many drinks, one needs to look at the positive of his statement. Abbas embraced the protagonist of the New Testament, which implies that he also accepts the story of what is told there, namely there was a Temple, there were Jewish priests, the inhabitants of the land had Hebrew names, they spoke Hebrew and Aramaic and they upheld Jewish commandments. As if that weren't enough, the New Testament teaches us that Jesus was one of the descendants of King David, whose existence -- and, by extension, his status as a king in Jerusalem -- is also de facto recognized by Abbas. Not bad for one Christmas greeting.
To make matters worse, Abbas has complicated things for the Palestinians. For if indeed Jesus was a Palestinian, then it was the Palestinians who turned him in to the Roman commissioner, and it is they who are responsible for his crucifixion. Two thousand years of pogroms, crusades, and inquisitions -- all of it is now dumped on the shoulders of the Palestinians.
This leads us to the historic event that occurred during the crucifixion of the newly adopted Palestinian. While he was nailed to the cross, surrounded by Roman troops, Jesus' disciples looked on from afar.
All of a sudden, Jesus' husky voice calls out to one of his disciples: "Justus, come to me quickly, I have something important to tell you before I move on to the kingdom of heaven."
Justus plowed through the phalanx of guards but he was caught and his hand was amputated.
Undeterred, Justus tried again to run toward the cross upon which Jesus was nailed. As he approached the last two guards that stood between him and his teacher, he was once again caught and he had his other hand chopped off.
Once again, he heard the voice of Jesus. "Justus, my beloved disciple, where are you-"
Disowned of both hands, Justus began to run. He then leaped over the guards and was apprehended at the foot of the cross. "What did you want to tell me, my teacher-" he asked, exhausted.
Jesus looked down at him from above and said: "You won't believe it, but I can see your house from up here."
Copyright
Iran announced two days ago that "the Palestinians are being compelled to resort to violence due to the desperation brought on by the situation."
What right do they have plagiarizing from Haaretz-
Hold me back
United Torah Judaism MK Yisrael Eichler said earlier this week that the ultra-Orthodox are thinking about leaving the country. In an interview with Army Radio, he said this was the result of their being "persecuted." This interview shocked Israeli society to the point where round-the-clock protests have been organized with masses of Israelis lined up opposite his home 24-7 while chanting, "Eichler, stay here with us, we can't go on without you." A great deal of tension hovers in the air. It's uncertain if we can cope with this suspense.
Still, because we are talking about a merciful Jew, there is concern that he could eventually compromise. That is why we must strengthen Eichler in his battle. Don't give up, don't give in. Fight until the bitter end.
There is a sense that Eichler how can we put this delicately? -- is deluded. Or, for some unclear reason, he thinks he is frightening somebody. As such, in an effort to help better understand the situation, here is something that was introduced in Romania during the rule of Nicolae Ceausescu, during whose reign drug use began to spread. As a result, the Communist dictator instituted a draconian policy to curb the habit.
One day, Ceausescu decided to dress up like an ordinary citizen and walk about the country in order to see whether Romanians were obeying the law. He wore clothes to pass himself off as a poor man and took a stroll along the banks of the Dambovita River, coming upon a spot where fishermen were trying to catch fish. He sat with them and began to converse with them. During their conversation, they offered him a joint. Ceausescu took a hit in order to see if these were real drugs.
Indeed, the narcotics were genuine.
The dictator in disguise then stood up, cleared his throat, and told the fisherman: "You know, I'm not just some fisherman. I'm an important person!"
The fisherman looked at him and said: "Yeah, yeah, take another hit and you'll think you're Ceausescu."
21-gun salute
The Israel Electric Company announced (and then recanted after enormous public pressure) that there is no other alternative but to raise the price of electricity due to the 1 billion shekels of damage caused by the storm.
This is a lie. The problem is an altogether different one -- the Palestinians owe the electric company nearly 1.5 billion shekels ($430 million). If all of us refuse to pay our electric bill, they will cut us off from power. But Abbas and his friends in Ramallah can use as much electricity as they want, since we are the ones footing the bill. This storm, though, is just like the Jews as they relate to Jesus: it's easy to blame it for everything.
Response
"Obama is very attentive to the voices coming out of Israel." (The White House issues a clarification.)
And one other thing...
The IDF is beginning to remove the warning sign "Careful, the enemy is eavesdropping" from its bases.
It's not the enemy.
טעינו? נתקן! אם מצאתם טעות בכתבה, נשמח שתשתפו אותנו