Flying too high

Swaziland's current king has 14 official wives and several dozen non-official wives. He has at least 24 children. This is extremely important because the heir to the throne is among them. Since it is not yet clear who will be the next king, all 24 garner the utmost respect, as do each of their mothers.

The king of Swaziland is not the kind of king who has the duties of the queen of England. He is of the old variety of kings, the kind who serves as the country's chief legislator, alongside a parliament that deals with the really important issues like how many colors should be recommended for the painting of homes.

And so, last week, a man was arrested in the kingdom for flying a remote-controlled toy airplane. The reason for the arrest was a law that prohibits witches from riding their brooms at altitudes higher than 150 meters (500 feet). The authorities exercised deductive reasoning and concluded that whatever is forbidden for a witch must also be forbidden for a toy airplane.

There will always be those arrogant condescending types who will scoff at a law stipulating how high a witch can fly on a broom, but it would be best to hold in the laughter. After all, very often it becomes apparent here in Israel that there are many individuals who could benefit from a law that would limit how high they fly.

Among these individuals are all those forehead wrinklers who, for years, twisted their faces in discontent and complained about Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's "hysteria" over the Iranian threat. The entire Labor Party took this position in at least three elections. For years they spoke of Netanyahu's "Iran obsession" and used every possible conjugation of the world "hysterical." This week, Labor Chairwoman Shelly Yachimovich soared to new rhetorical heights when she criticized Netanyahu's speech at the U.N. General Assembly. She casually skipped right over the option of displaying integrity, and, just before her rhetorical takeoff, admitted, "Sorry, we were wrong."

All this without even mentioning former Mossad chief Meir Dagan, who used the same terms to explain why there was no reason to worry about Iran. Or former Israel Security Agency director Yuval Diskin, who claimed that Netanyahu's Iranian "hysteria" was "messianic." There was also former Israel Defense Forces Chief of General Staff Lt. Gen. Gabi Ashkenazi. Since history teaches us that these individuals' power of divination surpasses even that of the witches of Swaziland, there is no doubt that they could all benefit from a law limiting the altitude of broom flying.

A solution

An adviser to Recep Tayyip Erdogan explained this week that someone was trying to assassinate the Turkish prime minister by using parapsychology. The solution might be in regular psychology.

Oh my God

A rabbi explained this week, in remarks posted online, that women have to show respect to their husbands because a man represents God. In what looked as if it might be a hoax, the rabbi instructed women to "keep in mind that your husband represents God, so give him the respect that he deserves ... As soon as he arrives at the door, you jump off the couch and say, 'Here I am!'"

Well, there was a woman in the history of our people whose spouse was in fact God. It didn't end well for her: Her son ended up on a cross, and what's worse, the neighbors used to gossip about her and say that "her husband is really inhuman." But still, in order to take this thesis -- that man is a representative of God -- seriously, we would best recall the following incident, which happened many years ago:

The late French President Charles de Gaulle once invited reporters to his country estate. Everyone sat on the lawn and sipped cognac. Seated on the lawn was also the president's wife, Yvonne. The sun began to set and the sky turned red. Yvonne looked at the horizon and exclaimed: "Oh, my God!"

Her husband turned to her and remarked softly: "Ma cherie, when we are at home you can just call me Charles."

Back to witches

In addition to the law limiting broom-flying altitudes for witches, there is another law that could improve the quality of life for us here in Israel. It is a law that has been in the process of being legislated for three years now in the homeland of witches -- Romania.

The opposition to the law is widespread, especially among Romania's national witches' union.

Under the law, which I have mentioned in the past, a witch whose prediction emerges as untrue will be legally compelled to refund the fee. The spokeswoman for the witches' organization in Romania has threatened in retaliation to cast various spells. Just to drive home how serious they are, the witches declared that they would not hesitate to use the ashes of a cat's tail.

This talk of witches takes us to Transylvania and the glorious days of the enlightened ruler Dracula.

One day, Dracula was strolling in the woods with his entourage. Leading the group were himself and his two friends, Dr. Lesset and Professor Trojer Banda. Suddenly, a witch jumped out from behind a bush, pointed a scraggy finger at them and said in a deep voice: "If anyone steps on a banana peel, that will be the end of them." The witch then climbed on her broomstick and disappeared into the sky.

The men continued their stroll, but suddenly there was a "poof" and Dr. Lesset disappeared. About 15 minutes later, an enormous woman with huge fangs appeared. She was chewing on Dr. Lesset.

"What happened to you-" Dracula asked his friend.

"I stepped on a banana peel," Dr. Lesset replied before being swallowed.

They continued walking, and several minutes later, another "poof" was heard, and Professor Trojer Banda disappeared as well. Again the enormous woman with the fangs appeared, holding Trojer Banda and taking a bite.

"What happened-" Dracula yelled, and Trojer Banda answered with his last breath: "I stepped on a banana peel."

They continued their stroll, and suddenly, another "poof" was heard. This time, Dracula disappeared. Then he reappeared, with the most beautiful girl in the kingdom, Zoza, leaning on him sadly. The entourage asked Dracula: "What happened-"

"She stepped on a banana peel," Dracula replied.

Justice served

This week, the Supreme Court upheld a six-month community service sentence handed to an adult who sexually abused a 15-year-old girl. The stories are horrible. In addition to the sexual abuse, he also extorted her and threatened her and committed lewd acts, and more. But the judges decided, even after the prosecution appealed the lenient sentence, that this man does not need to serve time in prison. Not even one day.

Where were the feminist voices? Why didn't they cry out against this lenient sentence? Could it be because the girl was ultra-Orthodox and the abuser a left-wing activist-

On the other hand, after Channel 10 took a sex offender and made him a star (a participant on Channel 10's newest reality program was revealed as having been convicted of statutory rape of a minor), you could say that the path has been paved for a brand new rehabilitation method for convicted sex offenders.

The best location in town

Former Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, who is currently facing trial on corruption charges, said in his testimony this week that the controversial construction of the Holyland housing project was meant as a contribution to the city of Jerusalem.

He is right. It had to be built. Mainly because it is the only place in Jerusalem from which you can't see the Holyland complex.